Christmas Weekend! :(

Feeling depressed
Listening to ""Voice" - Tsukiko Amano
Currently addicted to nothing at that moment
Currently irritated by stupid i can be
Randomness: why does he dwell in the bad things?!
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friday, december 23, 2005:
it was joey's birthday...we made a cake for him...and joebert bought him a balloon...played video games....went to ralphs. i fell asleep and we waited for waffle to pick us up...i got home around 1230 in the morning. then i went to sleep after i talked to michael on the phone.

saturday, december 24, 2005:
michael comes over around 7 in the morning. we slept for a bit....then i got dressed around 9 something. michael falls alseep on my bed....and i eat breakfast. then around 1 something we got to maryann's...she not home...so me and michael took over her room for a bit...then we ate...then we played melee...that was fun...then maryann comes back...i say hi to her...but she goes for the food. i continued to watch michael play...so yeah! then we leave around 5 or 6...dad drops me and michael at michael's house...everyone is sleeping so we dedcided to hang o ut in the back yard...that was fun. later we move to the front...and michael opens his present from me....so yeah...then we tell vince that there's a party going on....while he got dressed...me and michael were getting the presents ready....so yeah...we go to michael's cousin's apartment...fun times....then i had to leave by 10...so michael's aunt decided to drop me off. so yeah...that was fun!

sunday, december 25, 2005:
well i woke up around 7...iopened my presents...dad yells at me. mom then lateryells at me. i eat....and talkignt o michael on the phone...then he had to go....so i cleaned up my room....then later...i asked mommy if i could go....then she says yes....but the party was already over. but they picked me up anyways...me and michael stayed at his house for a while...then vince picks us up to bring us to belda's aunt's house....she has a nice backyard...hehe....then i eat...then michael eats with me....then we leave to go to belda's house. there i made micahel upset at me....that was a bummer...then supernatural awas on...i got scared...then after wards belda shows w\vince something on the computer. so i'm sleeping....so yeah...micahel gets scared of something...after all that...we leave....when ig ot home...i got dressed into my sleeping clothes....then michael calls me up...we talked....converation was bad...it's like he doesn't want to be happy. so i should stop trying to make him happy...i don't know. i love him with all my heart...but it seems like when we have these arguments....he forgets...he fogets that i care for him...he forgets that i worry for him....he forgets that i love him...he forgets that his happiness is special to me...as for me....i get stubborn, i regret when i shouldn't, i think negative, and i cry for no reason...well to me it's a good reasont o cry...but to others, maybe otherwise....i don't like seeing him like this...it hruts me to see him depressed and down. when i try to be strong...and not get into it anymore...he asks me, "what's wrong?"...so i have to tell him...and then we go back to square one. i don't know...michael doesn't like his past....so i can't really say anything or do anything...b/c i'm helpless....and he doesn't want my help...so yeah...he deosn't want me to be there for him...i guess i should give him the space...b/c it seems like he doesn't need me. well i'mma go off to work now...

bye bye!

PARTY!!!!

PARTY @ BELDA'S...WOO HOO! well the birthday boy isn't here....so yeah...we're trying to get everyone here...so yeah! busy busy...hehe! :) bye bye!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Feeling blank
Listening to "Travelling" - Utada Hikaru
Currently addicted to singing & dancing
Currently irritated by nothing
Randomness: TRAVELLING! kimi wo...
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HOLLA! haha...i'm such an idiot....haha...well today is Joey's birthday....

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JOEY!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

haha...wasn't that fun?! of course it was...haha...well we're celebrating it at eughene's today...so yeah...it's also an ICHIBAN potluck part 2...haha...we are such dumb butts...haha...oh well..I LVOE MYFRIENDS! haha...well micahel's coming over soon...so yeah...then we'll leave around 10 or something ....or maybe wait till joebert picks us up...haha...this will be fun....OH YEAH! well i'mma go and enjoy the reat of my day...

BYE BYE!

Hell Hole!

Feeling sad inside
Listening to "CHANCE!" - UVERworld
Currently addicted to being sad
Currently irritated by how stupid i can be
Randomness: *tears*
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well me and michael had a big fight last night on the phone. ya know you wanna cry but then you keep it in. that's what i feel right now and last night when i was going to sleep. people get mad at me for crying. i can't express myself in that way in my own house. when michael and i had the fight...iw anted to cry...but then he's like..."there's nothing to cry about"....so and then ihad to keep it locked in AGAIN! i guess i'm really good at that, huh? i know i'm such a cry baby....or i just have sensitive feelings...hmm...maybe i shouldn't care anymore...it's not like people give a damn if i do care or not. michael doubts me...i said something in the past to make him this way. hmm...i regret saying it. i don't have feelings for lex anymore. he just has to know that. but he's avoiding my words...so might as well let him think what he thinks i cana't stop him. he's pissed off...and i guess he'll be pissed off today too...i'll let him be...i care for him...but it seems like he doesn't want me to...so i'll try my best to not care. my self-esteem went down...holding in tears hurts more than letting it out. but it's ok...i'll do it.

BYE!

11 months & 4 days...

Feeling really cold!
Listening to "CHANCE!" - UVERworld
Currently addicted to loving michael...haha...
Currently irritated by how cold it is in my house
Randomness: UVERworld!!!
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yes i have no life...haha...kidding...well the last time i typed in this thing was december 8th...i think...well i got my pay check....$200.43! :) i know...i have money now...as for december 10th...it was mine and michael's 11 months...haha..and so it's december 14th...meaning that michael and i have been going out for 11 months and 4 days...haha...yay!

last night was so interesting....so exciting too...cravings...woo hoo! kidding...well last night was crazy...fun...wonderful...and amazing... ::SORRY! not going into any details:: oh well! work as been keeping me away from michael...hmm...but it's cool, i see on the weekends...so yeah! well that's bascially it...haha...i got michael his present...woo hoo...there's goignt o be alot of wrtiting...oh well!!! haha...well gotta go...

DOT DOT DOT

Feeling really bored
Listening to "More Than Words" - Frankie J
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by nothing
Randomness: *smile* DOT DOT DOT
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well i'm back for another day of losing my mind of being bored...haha...well yesterday was alright i guess...it had it's ups and downs...i went to the mall with michael...lykim & eughene....joebert & his cousin...so it was fun...michael got his early CHRISTMAS present...FATAL FRAME 3...haha....yup...ain't i such a great girlfriend...haha...kidding...well then we went back to eughene's...michael played FF3...so that was fun...then we went back inside the room with the others and watched lykim beat eughene at DDR...haha...that was funny... :) well i left around 845pm...and i got home around 93o something...haha..fun times...

as for today...i have this prayer group thingy to go with mommy....good thing all i have to do it sit there and be seen...haha...michael's coming over....and we're gunna play melee...haha...so that would eb fun i guess...even though i thought he got mad at me last night...but it's ok....eughene's fishes are fascinating...haha! well i have to go ...

bye bye

i guess...

...i was right...i probably won't see michael today...it's ok..it's fine...i'll be fine...he doesn't have to come over if he doesn't want to...it's ok...i'll be fine....

no i won't...i'm already crying...i'll be fine...i won't get to see michael tomorrow either...b/c him and the guys are going to the mall...and i can't go....cuz i have a viewing to go...hmmm....and i can't see him sunday...because there's a praying thing going on at my house...so i guess i won't be able to see michael this whole week...i guess it's ok though...i'll be fine i guess...it hurts knowing i won't be able to see him this week...it's ok...he has his own life that i don't have to be with him 24/7...it's ok...i'll be fine...

hmm...it hurts...i'm lonely...but it's ok...i'll be fine! :) *tears*

bored & lonely

Feeling lonely & bored
Listening to "girl i need you (by my side)" - Devotion
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by the point that jocelle gets to see him but not me
Randomness: FUCK! SHIT! DAMNIT ALL!
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well i just found out that jocelle visited the school yesterday and today...oh well..all these people are seeing michael more than me...this sucks...but i guess i have to deal with it...and i won't get to see him today...what a bummer...damn...but it's ok...i can deal with it...even though i cried myself to sleep last night...come on now...i lost it to him...of course i'll be clingy...and hoping to see him everyday...i guess i'm asking too much...i'm so selfish...i'm sorry! i guess i'll just LET GOof this pain of not seeing him...i have a feeling he'll go to eughene's but not to my house...oh well...i guess i'll see what happens later tonight. well i have a thing at cuyamca college at 6pm...i wonder what i'll be doing..hmm...oh well...if i do take a tst...then i guess i'll be taking a test...hmm...today already sucks...this week sucked...besides monday and sunday. tuesday to today...sucks...i don't know if i'm being emo...maybe i am...and i'm just over reacting...well that's how i am...i over react 10 times worse than anyone...and i worry 10 times worse than anyone....but it's ok...that's how i was built...so yeah...i'll be fine, i guess.

so how's everyone's day?! better than mine i hope....i guess so...my heart is just hurting b/c i won't see michael till tomorrow...but that's also an "if"...so i really don't know when i'll see him...i shouldn't expect so much from michael...I'M WEAK...i get it...I'M NOT STRONG! i have a kind heart that i can't replace. but it's ok if i don't see him...cuz i know i'm not strong...i won't say that to myself that "i'll be strong"...b/c it's all bullshit! i'm not strong...i'm weak...kind hearts and fragile feelings won't get me far...but that's how i was built, i can't change that fact. well i guess i should wipe my tears away....and get ready for work...

bye bye!

Loneliness

Feeling lonely
Listening to "Miss You" - M-flo loves Melody & Ryohei Yamamoto
Currently addicted to listening to slow jams
Currently irritated by not being with michael
Randomness: DAMNIT!
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well there's nothing really to do...besides comback and type about my day...i have no michael till saturday...*tear*...oh well...i guess i can wait till then. well i guess i'll be going now to work...i'll be back...haha...

well i've been back since 3 something this afternoon...i miss michael a lot though...i haven't seen him since monday....it's been 3 days...it's so cold here and lonely...when michael is with me i feel warm inside and happy and not alone...just not being with him hurts my heart...but i guess i have to deal with it...there's people who see him more than me...well i won't see him till satudary but if not then i guess soon after that...hmm...this has been a lonely week...missing someone so much that you just want to cry...that's how i'm feeling right now...i miss him so much....i didn't get to talk to him otday...damn belda getting his phone confiscated...BAKA! well i guess tomorrow will be another day being lonely and cold. i miss michael so much...i'm weak...i'm not strong...this pain of not seeing him is hurting so much. but i guess i always have to try something new...i'll be strong for michael...it'll be hard...well, that's basically my day...i didn't really do much today...just worked and all...that's about it! well i'mma go now and weep in my room...bye bye!

YAY! :)

Feeling relieved and happy
Listening to "A Song For XX... " - Ayumi Hamasaki
Currently addicted to waiting for michael's emails...
Currently irritated by nothing
Randomness: *cough*
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well from the last time i posted in this was, i think Monday?! well monday didn't go well...but michael came over and good timing too...i was crying...interesting?! well michael asked me what was wrong and of course i told him...then all we did was sit, eat, and enjoy watching TV....and also helping michael with his class project...thatw as fun!

well yesterday was mommy's birthday...eh...i didnn't go to work or anything like that...and michael called me up but i talked to waffle though...oh well...a few hours pass...and i thought it was a false alarm or something...WOO HOO! i have my period!!! i'm so happy!!! woo hoo! :) besides all that...i didn't get to make an appt...b/c mommy came home whn i was making the phone call....grr...oh well...

today...today....there's nothing to do today...besides work but i don't work till 1pm...so yeah...i told michael to drop by after school and before he drops off eughene at cuyamaca college....so yeah! so i really don't know how today will go though....but i'll be back if i have any good news or anything like that...haha...well i'mma go now...i'm so happy! :) even though i'm cramping right now!...grr...oh well! :)

out of all things

Feeling worried and stressed out
Listening to "Angel's Song" - Ayumi Hamasaki
Currently addicted to worrying
Currently irritated by my stupidness
Randomness: AHHH!
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What i mean by "out of all things" is that i did something that i shouldn't have done but i can't change it now...well i don't know what people are thinking "if" they ever read this. i have lost my virginity....i know, huh....stupid me...but i'm happy that i lost it to the person i love with all of my heart...michael roy...we're trying hard to prevent myself from pregnancy...so yeah...no we didn't use protection...so we're planning on getting birth control pills...i hope it helps and get a pregnancy test thingy...i want this to blow over soon...i hope i'm not pregnant...but if i am then i guess i have to use the birth control pills...*sighs*...yes that night we became fools....but fools in love...haha...well i'm praying that GOD is watcing over us and helping us get through this...and i'm not ready to tell my parents about this yet...i need some time to get things through my head before i do anything reckless. i don't regret anything that we've done...i just hope that we face them together and he doesn't leave me...he's my first...and i want to stay it that way...and i want him to be last too...hmm...well i guess i'll go now...please god watch over us and banish the devil while me and michael are trying our best to make things right again...PLEASE I PRAY IN YOUR NAME! i love you god! please...AMEN! take care you all! :)

feeling down...

there are times that i feel that michael's love for me is fading..i don't know if he meant "i love you" to me...and he's upset with me...how am i suppose to feel about that...it's like he's always getting mad at me...and i don't know what to do...is our love fading?! maybe it's just me thinking too much...i just want him to call me, hold me, or something for me not to feel this way...maybe i should just be quiet and mind my own business...cuz it seems like my mouth is getting me in trouble a lot...i guess i do have to change without michael knowing...people say that i shouldn't change...WTF?! that's bullshit...they're just saying that to be nice...i know deep inside them...they want me change something about me...maybe i should...so no one would get mad at me anymore...i'm in this world alone....and there's no one to save me from myself...it just hurts...i'm in dark and i'm confused...who's going to save me?! most likely no one will...michael would...but he's too busy with his problems and getting mad at me...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?!!! HELP ME!! should i change?! ;)

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

I AM THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!!! *screams*...i promised michael and myself i won't hurt myself...but how can i not...i just made michael mad at me.....AGAIN! damn!

i'm such a BITCH!

damnit all! i'm like the worst girlfriend ever....michael tells me that i'm not...but to me, i am! what the hell is wrong with me?! why the hell do i get jealous?! shit!!! grr...lately i've been getting mad easily...why the hell is that?! or i end up doing something wrong that upsets michael...i can't do anything right...i try my best to not do anything to upset michael or myself...but it seems to me that trying my best doesn't do anything...i'm a bad girlfriend...maybe that fight i had with my friend in 8th grade...what she said is true...i'm not worht being someone's girlfriend...i end up making them mad, upset, and sad...i can't do anything right...i bring up the wrong subjects...grr...i'm hurting someone that i love....how can i do that?! well...michael's mad at me now...for snapping at him...i feel so bad that i did that...i wasn't meant to...but i did..i'm admiting that i am a BITCH!!! i'm such a jerk...i push the onei love away from me....WHY THE HELL DO I DO THAT?! *screams* on the phone he wanted to leave...and he wouldn't tell me why...so i didn't want to force him to stay...so i let it go...and he hung up on me...and i thought he would say, "i love you." but i guess not...so i don't know if he's coming over today...i doubt now...cuz of the situation we were in....well he's at school right now...so yeah! and i'm at home...being a BITCH on the computer...well i guess i should go and take a shower and wash myself away for a moment....and return to myself...that's not worth to be here....if i hurt the ones i love! well bye!*tears*

crazy day&nights!

well...ever since monday...michael & i have been great since then...and our "non-torturing" break...well...that didn't last long...i know it kicked in on wednesday...naughty me! :0 haha...well since monday...michael's been visiting me...so it's all good...haha! on friday...me, michael, lykim, & eughene went to eughene's house...so hang out...let's just say, "Double Date!"....haha! it was fun ahgning out with them again...on saturday we went to gray anne's birthday party...that was fun-ish...i finally watched "advent children" ....frickin' great movie...my number one movie...well i was tempted in joselito's bedroom when me and michael were in there alone...OMG! but then we controled ourselves...so 925pm...i had to go home...so vince gave michael his car keys and asked us to get gass for him too...well get the gas...then when we got to my house...i didn't want to go in...so we parked away from my house...and we stayed in the car and "talked" for a bit. then around 1015pm...michael leaves....and i was stuck at home...well for today...it went well....didn't do much torturing so yeah...and umm...my mom bought me new curtains...haha!

that's all what happened since monday...so i guess i should go now and enjoy the rest of my night...C-YA! :)

being forgiven

well yesterday sensei picked me up from home...and michael skipped 5th and 6th period...to be with me...aww...n/e wayz...cuz everything wasn't going to well...i haven't put on a smile for awhile...michael asked, "please smile for me!"...i said, "i can't" and i almost cried...good thing that 5th period was sensei's prep period...so yeah....6th period came and 2 of our friends are in that class...so we had to put a FAKE smile on....but when after school came....that's when i poured out my heart to him once again...and telling him that i want to spend my entire life with him....even through the afterlife...i tell him the future plans we both promised each other...and i ask him, "how are you feeling?"...and he says, "a lot better" that put a smile on my face...he's everything to me...he forgave me for what i said a few months ago! :)

forgiveness!

well i talked to michael this morning....i thought it would've been better...but i guess it's ok...he's still thinking about it...and he told me that he cried last night while he was writing me a letter...aww....but anywayz...it's been hard on both of us....i cried myself to sleep last night....and i cried this morning after the phone call...yeah...this is how bad it is...but we'll get through it...it's just another hill on our road...we never asked for a simple one...i just hope that michael forgives me from what i said in the past...please! i hope he is....hmm...it hurts that he doesn't...i just wanna hear from his heart that he forgives me...i love him so much...i don't know what to do...i guess i'll ask belda to talk to him...or not...i don't know what to do....*tear* n/e wayz...i guess i'll go now...


"When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds
of forgiveness can erase it away.
But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.“

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

aching!

friday:
well i got dressed at 6 something in the morning...i woke up dad at 615am...then we left around 630...i get dropped off at morse...and i walk to my friends...philip and belda were there...i talk to them and everyone else comes...michael was the last one to come over...when he comes we go to the other guys...that was fun...then when the bell rung...michael drops me off at sensei's and we kiss and he goes to class...it was fun helping sensei out...lunch came and i hung out with michael and belda...mostly with michael of course...then after school came...we hanged out in the front with rodel...then rodel left...antho came to us then left...then belda and lykim's brother comes to us...that was fun...then shawn comes...then we all leave to go to lykim's house...YES we walked...i think we shouldn't have walked...but it's ok...when we got to lykim's everything went back to normal....but when me and michael started to walk to my house...it started alright...then it got bad...then it got better...in house it was alright then it got bad...then it got better...then it got worse...it hurt so much that michael was feeling like that...my heart opened up to him...i NEVER done that for anyone...then later it got better when my dad came home...at 11pm something we dropped him off home...

yesterday:
our 8 month...yup! it's been great...michael came over and started off great...then a little off...then great again...that we went to the mall with my parents....that was fun...then we ordered pizza...then we went home...then we got the pizza...that was fun...then we went back home and we ate...michael left around 9 soemthing...

today:
well i went to NEX with my parents then to walmart...they ALMOST 4got me...grr...then we went home...around 5 soemthing...michael comes over...it started off well but ended badly...michael is still thinking about it...i don't know what will get through that head of his...i don't know what to do...i'm waiting for his call..but i know he won't call..i'm just hoping he will!

prayer:
dear GOD, it's me sharon...i know it's been so long since i've talked to you and asked you for anything...but i don't want what i said in april to effect me and michael...it's burning through his head and i'm worried and scared...i'm trying my best to keep his spirits up but he ends up putting it down...please help him...heal him! please! even though he doesn't want it...he needs it and he knows he needs it...he's just too stubborn to ask for it...please! with all my heart help him get through this...he's my everything...and i will never let him go...please!

THANK YOU!

jealousy is a bitch!

well today is michael's second day of school...knowing that abbie has 4th period with him...kinda drills in my head...but i'm telling myself that "it's nothing"..."don't worry about it"..."i trust him"... so yeah....so right now i'm just listening to one song over and over again...haha...cuz i'm an idiot like that...and because i'm home alone..and i'm blasting it...hehe!...i feel like dancing...hmm...well at least my jealousy isn't that bad like it was before...hehe...well i trust him...and i know he loves me...so NO WORRIES!

bOrEd

well michael came over on sunday and yesterday...it was fun...we watched movies and anime...hehe...and played PSO for the hell of it...hehe! then we would torture each other because yesterday was our last day to do it till december...aww...oh well...umm...on saturday michael was helping out his auntie move...i knew he was doing something for someone if he had to bail on me...oh well! hehe! well there's nothing really much to say....for today....michael and my friends are at school right now...first day of school...i rmember my first day of school...since i came i started at morse...i knew people but couldn't find them...hehe...then i made new friends till my senior year...i hung out with them...and now they're my closest friends...hehe...and i didn't expect myself to fall in love...it's such a great feeling...i love MY SEXYMAN!!! MY MICHAEL ROY MEDINA REASOL...HAHA!

alone & wasted

well i don't know what today will bring for me but yesterday felt really lonely...michael kept saying,"maybe" on friday night's phone call...i guess that "maybe" means NO...in his terms. last night around 9 soemthing joey comes ringing my doorbell for michael...i told him that michel never came...so i was thinking that he might be home or he went somewhere else. so i decided t talk to antho, eughene, and mark online...i talked to mark and asked if he talked to michael...and he tells me that he did...then we talk fro a bit. he asked me if i seen him or talked to him today..and i told him no. and he's like, why not?...and i tell him. then i told him that joey came over to pick him up...so yeah! i was worried...but i kind of thought about it that maybe his grandma stopped him to come over. MAYBE! so i waited for michael's call and i eventually fell alseep.

crazy night

well yesterday i was suprised that michael called to come over....i didn't really expect that to happen, but it did...michael coems over around 5 something and he plays fatal frame 2...so that i could know the storyline. thena round 7 something he stops playing...me and michel got a little crazy....but we controlled ourselves...then around 845...my dad leaves to pick up my brother...it got more crazier...i was so tempted...but michael reminded myself that i promised myself that i would wait...so yeah...what a great guy...hehe! that was basically my night last night...

today i'll be helping/working with my mother with the elderly...gah! ohw ell it's something to do. and michael is having his surgery on his butt tonight... i hope he'll be okay..hmm... well thats all that's going to happen today...and i might visit michael tomorrow....but i also have work..hmm....i don't know! i guess i'll see when tomorrow comes... :)