bored & lonely

Feeling lonely & bored
Listening to "girl i need you (by my side)" - Devotion
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by the point that jocelle gets to see him but not me
Randomness: FUCK! SHIT! DAMNIT ALL!
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well i just found out that jocelle visited the school yesterday and today...oh well..all these people are seeing michael more than me...this sucks...but i guess i have to deal with it...and i won't get to see him today...what a bummer...damn...but it's ok...i can deal with it...even though i cried myself to sleep last night...come on now...i lost it to him...of course i'll be clingy...and hoping to see him everyday...i guess i'm asking too much...i'm so selfish...i'm sorry! i guess i'll just LET GOof this pain of not seeing him...i have a feeling he'll go to eughene's but not to my house...oh well...i guess i'll see what happens later tonight. well i have a thing at cuyamca college at 6pm...i wonder what i'll be doing..hmm...oh well...if i do take a tst...then i guess i'll be taking a test...hmm...today already sucks...this week sucked...besides monday and sunday. tuesday to today...sucks...i don't know if i'm being emo...maybe i am...and i'm just over reacting...well that's how i am...i over react 10 times worse than anyone...and i worry 10 times worse than anyone....but it's ok...that's how i was built...so yeah...i'll be fine, i guess.

so how's everyone's day?! better than mine i hope....i guess so...my heart is just hurting b/c i won't see michael till tomorrow...but that's also an "if"...so i really don't know when i'll see him...i shouldn't expect so much from michael...I'M WEAK...i get it...I'M NOT STRONG! i have a kind heart that i can't replace. but it's ok if i don't see him...cuz i know i'm not strong...i won't say that to myself that "i'll be strong"...b/c it's all bullshit! i'm not strong...i'm weak...kind hearts and fragile feelings won't get me far...but that's how i was built, i can't change that fact. well i guess i should wipe my tears away....and get ready for work...

bye bye!