Feeling depressed
Listening to ""Voice" - Tsukiko Amano
Currently addicted to nothing at that moment
Currently irritated by stupid i can be
Randomness: why does he dwell in the bad things?!
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friday, december 23, 2005:
it was joey's birthday...we made a cake for him...and joebert bought him a balloon...played video games....went to ralphs. i fell asleep and we waited for waffle to pick us up...i got home around 1230 in the morning. then i went to sleep after i talked to michael on the phone.
saturday, december 24, 2005:
michael comes over around 7 in the morning. we slept for a bit....then i got dressed around 9 something. michael falls alseep on my bed....and i eat breakfast. then around 1 something we got to maryann's...she not home...so me and michael took over her room for a bit...then we ate...then we played melee...that was fun...then maryann comes back...i say hi to her...but she goes for the food. i continued to watch michael play...so yeah! then we leave around 5 or 6...dad drops me and michael at michael's house...everyone is sleeping so we dedcided to hang o ut in the back yard...that was fun. later we move to the front...and michael opens his present from me....so yeah...then we tell vince that there's a party going on....while he got dressed...me and michael were getting the presents ready....so yeah...we go to michael's cousin's apartment...fun times....then i had to leave by 10...so michael's aunt decided to drop me off. so yeah...that was fun!
sunday, december 25, 2005:
well i woke up around 7...iopened my presents...dad yells at me. mom then lateryells at me. i eat....and talkignt o michael on the phone...then he had to go....so i cleaned up my room....then later...i asked mommy if i could go....then she says yes....but the party was already over. but they picked me up anyways...me and michael stayed at his house for a while...then vince picks us up to bring us to belda's aunt's house....she has a nice backyard...hehe....then i eat...then michael eats with me....then we leave to go to belda's house. there i made micahel upset at me....that was a bummer...then supernatural awas on...i got scared...then after wards belda shows w\vince something on the computer. so i'm sleeping....so yeah...micahel gets scared of something...after all that...we leave....when ig ot home...i got dressed into my sleeping clothes....then michael calls me up...we talked....converation was bad...it's like he doesn't want to be happy. so i should stop trying to make him happy...i don't know. i love him with all my heart...but it seems like when we have these arguments....he forgets...he fogets that i care for him...he forgets that i worry for him....he forgets that i love him...he forgets that his happiness is special to me...as for me....i get stubborn, i regret when i shouldn't, i think negative, and i cry for no reason...well to me it's a good reasont o cry...but to others, maybe otherwise....i don't like seeing him like this...it hruts me to see him depressed and down. when i try to be strong...and not get into it anymore...he asks me, "what's wrong?"...so i have to tell him...and then we go back to square one. i don't know...michael doesn't like his past....so i can't really say anything or do anything...b/c i'm helpless....and he doesn't want my help...so yeah...he deosn't want me to be there for him...i guess i should give him the space...b/c it seems like he doesn't need me. well i'mma go off to work now...
bye bye!
...love is not worth the pain...
12.26.2005
12.23.2005
PARTY!!!!
PARTY @ BELDA'S...WOO HOO! well the birthday boy isn't here....so yeah...we're trying to get everyone here...so yeah! busy busy...hehe! :) bye bye!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Feeling blank
Listening to "Travelling" - Utada Hikaru
Currently addicted to singing & dancing
Currently irritated by nothing
Randomness: TRAVELLING! kimi wo...
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HOLLA! haha...i'm such an idiot....haha...well today is Joey's birthday....
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JOEY!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
haha...wasn't that fun?! of course it was...haha...well we're celebrating it at eughene's today...so yeah...it's also an ICHIBAN potluck part 2...haha...we are such dumb butts...haha...oh well..I LVOE MYFRIENDS! haha...well micahel's coming over soon...so yeah...then we'll leave around 10 or something ....or maybe wait till joebert picks us up...haha...this will be fun....OH YEAH! well i'mma go and enjoy the reat of my day...
BYE BYE!
Listening to "Travelling" - Utada Hikaru
Currently addicted to singing & dancing
Currently irritated by nothing
Randomness: TRAVELLING! kimi wo...
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HOLLA! haha...i'm such an idiot....haha...well today is Joey's birthday....
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JOEY!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
haha...wasn't that fun?! of course it was...haha...well we're celebrating it at eughene's today...so yeah...it's also an ICHIBAN potluck part 2...haha...we are such dumb butts...haha...oh well..I LVOE MYFRIENDS! haha...well micahel's coming over soon...so yeah...then we'll leave around 10 or something ....or maybe wait till joebert picks us up...haha...this will be fun....OH YEAH! well i'mma go and enjoy the reat of my day...
BYE BYE!
12.22.2005
Hell Hole!
Feeling sad inside
Listening to "CHANCE!" - UVERworld
Currently addicted to being sad
Currently irritated by how stupid i can be
Randomness: *tears*
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well me and michael had a big fight last night on the phone. ya know you wanna cry but then you keep it in. that's what i feel right now and last night when i was going to sleep. people get mad at me for crying. i can't express myself in that way in my own house. when michael and i had the fight...iw anted to cry...but then he's like..."there's nothing to cry about"....so and then ihad to keep it locked in AGAIN! i guess i'm really good at that, huh? i know i'm such a cry baby....or i just have sensitive feelings...hmm...maybe i shouldn't care anymore...it's not like people give a damn if i do care or not. michael doubts me...i said something in the past to make him this way. hmm...i regret saying it. i don't have feelings for lex anymore. he just has to know that. but he's avoiding my words...so might as well let him think what he thinks i cana't stop him. he's pissed off...and i guess he'll be pissed off today too...i'll let him be...i care for him...but it seems like he doesn't want me to...so i'll try my best to not care. my self-esteem went down...holding in tears hurts more than letting it out. but it's ok...i'll do it.
BYE!
Listening to "CHANCE!" - UVERworld
Currently addicted to being sad
Currently irritated by how stupid i can be
Randomness: *tears*
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well me and michael had a big fight last night on the phone. ya know you wanna cry but then you keep it in. that's what i feel right now and last night when i was going to sleep. people get mad at me for crying. i can't express myself in that way in my own house. when michael and i had the fight...iw anted to cry...but then he's like..."there's nothing to cry about"....so and then ihad to keep it locked in AGAIN! i guess i'm really good at that, huh? i know i'm such a cry baby....or i just have sensitive feelings...hmm...maybe i shouldn't care anymore...it's not like people give a damn if i do care or not. michael doubts me...i said something in the past to make him this way. hmm...i regret saying it. i don't have feelings for lex anymore. he just has to know that. but he's avoiding my words...so might as well let him think what he thinks i cana't stop him. he's pissed off...and i guess he'll be pissed off today too...i'll let him be...i care for him...but it seems like he doesn't want me to...so i'll try my best to not care. my self-esteem went down...holding in tears hurts more than letting it out. but it's ok...i'll do it.
BYE!
12.14.2005
11 months & 4 days...
Feeling really cold!
Listening to "CHANCE!" - UVERworld
Currently addicted to loving michael...haha...
Currently irritated by how cold it is in my house
Randomness: UVERworld!!!
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yes i have no life...haha...kidding...well the last time i typed in this thing was december 8th...i think...well i got my pay check....$200.43! :) i know...i have money now...as for december 10th...it was mine and michael's 11 months...haha..and so it's december 14th...meaning that michael and i have been going out for 11 months and 4 days...haha...yay!
last night was so interesting....so exciting too...cravings...woo hoo! kidding...well last night was crazy...fun...wonderful...and amazing... ::SORRY! not going into any details:: oh well! work as been keeping me away from michael...hmm...but it's cool, i see on the weekends...so yeah! well that's bascially it...haha...i got michael his present...woo hoo...there's goignt o be alot of wrtiting...oh well!!! haha...well gotta go...
Listening to "CHANCE!" - UVERworld
Currently addicted to loving michael...haha...
Currently irritated by how cold it is in my house
Randomness: UVERworld!!!
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yes i have no life...haha...kidding...well the last time i typed in this thing was december 8th...i think...well i got my pay check....$200.43! :) i know...i have money now...as for december 10th...it was mine and michael's 11 months...haha..and so it's december 14th...meaning that michael and i have been going out for 11 months and 4 days...haha...yay!
last night was so interesting....so exciting too...cravings...woo hoo! kidding...well last night was crazy...fun...wonderful...and amazing... ::SORRY! not going into any details:: oh well! work as been keeping me away from michael...hmm...but it's cool, i see on the weekends...so yeah! well that's bascially it...haha...i got michael his present...woo hoo...there's goignt o be alot of wrtiting...oh well!!! haha...well gotta go...
12.04.2005
DOT DOT DOT
Feeling really bored
Listening to "More Than Words" - Frankie J
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by nothing
Randomness: *smile* DOT DOT DOT
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well i'm back for another day of losing my mind of being bored...haha...well yesterday was alright i guess...it had it's ups and downs...i went to the mall with michael...lykim & eughene....joebert & his cousin...so it was fun...michael got his early CHRISTMAS present...FATAL FRAME 3...haha....yup...ain't i such a great girlfriend...haha...kidding...well then we went back to eughene's...michael played FF3...so that was fun...then we went back inside the room with the others and watched lykim beat eughene at DDR...haha...that was funny... :) well i left around 845pm...and i got home around 93o something...haha..fun times...
as for today...i have this prayer group thingy to go with mommy....good thing all i have to do it sit there and be seen...haha...michael's coming over....and we're gunna play melee...haha...so that would eb fun i guess...even though i thought he got mad at me last night...but it's ok....eughene's fishes are fascinating...haha! well i have to go ...
bye bye
Listening to "More Than Words" - Frankie J
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by nothing
Randomness: *smile* DOT DOT DOT
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well i'm back for another day of losing my mind of being bored...haha...well yesterday was alright i guess...it had it's ups and downs...i went to the mall with michael...lykim & eughene....joebert & his cousin...so it was fun...michael got his early CHRISTMAS present...FATAL FRAME 3...haha....yup...ain't i such a great girlfriend...haha...kidding...well then we went back to eughene's...michael played FF3...so that was fun...then we went back inside the room with the others and watched lykim beat eughene at DDR...haha...that was funny... :) well i left around 845pm...and i got home around 93o something...haha..fun times...
as for today...i have this prayer group thingy to go with mommy....good thing all i have to do it sit there and be seen...haha...michael's coming over....and we're gunna play melee...haha...so that would eb fun i guess...even though i thought he got mad at me last night...but it's ok....eughene's fishes are fascinating...haha! well i have to go ...
bye bye
12.02.2005
i guess...
...i was right...i probably won't see michael today...it's ok..it's fine...i'll be fine...he doesn't have to come over if he doesn't want to...it's ok...i'll be fine....
no i won't...i'm already crying...i'll be fine...i won't get to see michael tomorrow either...b/c him and the guys are going to the mall...and i can't go....cuz i have a viewing to go...hmmm....and i can't see him sunday...because there's a praying thing going on at my house...so i guess i won't be able to see michael this whole week...i guess it's ok though...i'll be fine i guess...it hurts knowing i won't be able to see him this week...it's ok...he has his own life that i don't have to be with him 24/7...it's ok...i'll be fine...
hmm...it hurts...i'm lonely...but it's ok...i'll be fine! :) *tears*
no i won't...i'm already crying...i'll be fine...i won't get to see michael tomorrow either...b/c him and the guys are going to the mall...and i can't go....cuz i have a viewing to go...hmmm....and i can't see him sunday...because there's a praying thing going on at my house...so i guess i won't be able to see michael this whole week...i guess it's ok though...i'll be fine i guess...it hurts knowing i won't be able to see him this week...it's ok...he has his own life that i don't have to be with him 24/7...it's ok...i'll be fine...
hmm...it hurts...i'm lonely...but it's ok...i'll be fine! :) *tears*
bored & lonely
Feeling lonely & bored
Listening to "girl i need you (by my side)" - Devotion
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by the point that jocelle gets to see him but not me
Randomness: FUCK! SHIT! DAMNIT ALL!
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well i just found out that jocelle visited the school yesterday and today...oh well..all these people are seeing michael more than me...this sucks...but i guess i have to deal with it...and i won't get to see him today...what a bummer...damn...but it's ok...i can deal with it...even though i cried myself to sleep last night...come on now...i lost it to him...of course i'll be clingy...and hoping to see him everyday...i guess i'm asking too much...i'm so selfish...i'm sorry! i guess i'll just LET GOof this pain of not seeing him...i have a feeling he'll go to eughene's but not to my house...oh well...i guess i'll see what happens later tonight. well i have a thing at cuyamca college at 6pm...i wonder what i'll be doing..hmm...oh well...if i do take a tst...then i guess i'll be taking a test...hmm...today already sucks...this week sucked...besides monday and sunday. tuesday to today...sucks...i don't know if i'm being emo...maybe i am...and i'm just over reacting...well that's how i am...i over react 10 times worse than anyone...and i worry 10 times worse than anyone....but it's ok...that's how i was built...so yeah...i'll be fine, i guess.
so how's everyone's day?! better than mine i hope....i guess so...my heart is just hurting b/c i won't see michael till tomorrow...but that's also an "if"...so i really don't know when i'll see him...i shouldn't expect so much from michael...I'M WEAK...i get it...I'M NOT STRONG! i have a kind heart that i can't replace. but it's ok if i don't see him...cuz i know i'm not strong...i won't say that to myself that "i'll be strong"...b/c it's all bullshit! i'm not strong...i'm weak...kind hearts and fragile feelings won't get me far...but that's how i was built, i can't change that fact. well i guess i should wipe my tears away....and get ready for work...
bye bye!
Listening to "girl i need you (by my side)" - Devotion
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by the point that jocelle gets to see him but not me
Randomness: FUCK! SHIT! DAMNIT ALL!
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well i just found out that jocelle visited the school yesterday and today...oh well..all these people are seeing michael more than me...this sucks...but i guess i have to deal with it...and i won't get to see him today...what a bummer...damn...but it's ok...i can deal with it...even though i cried myself to sleep last night...come on now...i lost it to him...of course i'll be clingy...and hoping to see him everyday...i guess i'm asking too much...i'm so selfish...i'm sorry! i guess i'll just LET GOof this pain of not seeing him...i have a feeling he'll go to eughene's but not to my house...oh well...i guess i'll see what happens later tonight. well i have a thing at cuyamca college at 6pm...i wonder what i'll be doing..hmm...oh well...if i do take a tst...then i guess i'll be taking a test...hmm...today already sucks...this week sucked...besides monday and sunday. tuesday to today...sucks...i don't know if i'm being emo...maybe i am...and i'm just over reacting...well that's how i am...i over react 10 times worse than anyone...and i worry 10 times worse than anyone....but it's ok...that's how i was built...so yeah...i'll be fine, i guess.
so how's everyone's day?! better than mine i hope....i guess so...my heart is just hurting b/c i won't see michael till tomorrow...but that's also an "if"...so i really don't know when i'll see him...i shouldn't expect so much from michael...I'M WEAK...i get it...I'M NOT STRONG! i have a kind heart that i can't replace. but it's ok if i don't see him...cuz i know i'm not strong...i won't say that to myself that "i'll be strong"...b/c it's all bullshit! i'm not strong...i'm weak...kind hearts and fragile feelings won't get me far...but that's how i was built, i can't change that fact. well i guess i should wipe my tears away....and get ready for work...
bye bye!
12.01.2005
Loneliness
Feeling lonely
Listening to "Miss You" - M-flo loves Melody & Ryohei Yamamoto
Currently addicted to listening to slow jams
Currently irritated by not being with michael
Randomness: DAMNIT!
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well there's nothing really to do...besides comback and type about my day...i have no michael till saturday...*tear*...oh well...i guess i can wait till then. well i guess i'll be going now to work...i'll be back...haha...
well i've been back since 3 something this afternoon...i miss michael a lot though...i haven't seen him since monday....it's been 3 days...it's so cold here and lonely...when michael is with me i feel warm inside and happy and not alone...just not being with him hurts my heart...but i guess i have to deal with it...there's people who see him more than me...well i won't see him till satudary but if not then i guess soon after that...hmm...this has been a lonely week...missing someone so much that you just want to cry...that's how i'm feeling right now...i miss him so much....i didn't get to talk to him otday...damn belda getting his phone confiscated...BAKA! well i guess tomorrow will be another day being lonely and cold. i miss michael so much...i'm weak...i'm not strong...this pain of not seeing him is hurting so much. but i guess i always have to try something new...i'll be strong for michael...it'll be hard...well, that's basically my day...i didn't really do much today...just worked and all...that's about it! well i'mma go now and weep in my room...bye bye!
Listening to "Miss You" - M-flo loves Melody & Ryohei Yamamoto
Currently addicted to listening to slow jams
Currently irritated by not being with michael
Randomness: DAMNIT!
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well there's nothing really to do...besides comback and type about my day...i have no michael till saturday...*tear*...oh well...i guess i can wait till then. well i guess i'll be going now to work...i'll be back...haha...
well i've been back since 3 something this afternoon...i miss michael a lot though...i haven't seen him since monday....it's been 3 days...it's so cold here and lonely...when michael is with me i feel warm inside and happy and not alone...just not being with him hurts my heart...but i guess i have to deal with it...there's people who see him more than me...well i won't see him till satudary but if not then i guess soon after that...hmm...this has been a lonely week...missing someone so much that you just want to cry...that's how i'm feeling right now...i miss him so much....i didn't get to talk to him otday...damn belda getting his phone confiscated...BAKA! well i guess tomorrow will be another day being lonely and cold. i miss michael so much...i'm weak...i'm not strong...this pain of not seeing him is hurting so much. but i guess i always have to try something new...i'll be strong for michael...it'll be hard...well, that's basically my day...i didn't really do much today...just worked and all...that's about it! well i'mma go now and weep in my room...bye bye!
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