...i was right...i probably won't see michael today...it's ok..it's fine...i'll be fine...he doesn't have to come over if he doesn't want to...it's ok...i'll be fine....
no i won't...i'm already crying...i'll be fine...i won't get to see michael tomorrow either...b/c him and the guys are going to the mall...and i can't go....cuz i have a viewing to go...hmmm....and i can't see him sunday...because there's a praying thing going on at my house...so i guess i won't be able to see michael this whole week...i guess it's ok though...i'll be fine i guess...it hurts knowing i won't be able to see him this week...it's ok...he has his own life that i don't have to be with him 24/7...it's ok...i'll be fine...
hmm...it hurts...i'm lonely...but it's ok...i'll be fine! :) *tears*
...love is not worth the pain...
12.02.2005
bored & lonely
Feeling lonely & bored
Listening to "girl i need you (by my side)" - Devotion
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by the point that jocelle gets to see him but not me
Randomness: FUCK! SHIT! DAMNIT ALL!
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well i just found out that jocelle visited the school yesterday and today...oh well..all these people are seeing michael more than me...this sucks...but i guess i have to deal with it...and i won't get to see him today...what a bummer...damn...but it's ok...i can deal with it...even though i cried myself to sleep last night...come on now...i lost it to him...of course i'll be clingy...and hoping to see him everyday...i guess i'm asking too much...i'm so selfish...i'm sorry! i guess i'll just LET GOof this pain of not seeing him...i have a feeling he'll go to eughene's but not to my house...oh well...i guess i'll see what happens later tonight. well i have a thing at cuyamca college at 6pm...i wonder what i'll be doing..hmm...oh well...if i do take a tst...then i guess i'll be taking a test...hmm...today already sucks...this week sucked...besides monday and sunday. tuesday to today...sucks...i don't know if i'm being emo...maybe i am...and i'm just over reacting...well that's how i am...i over react 10 times worse than anyone...and i worry 10 times worse than anyone....but it's ok...that's how i was built...so yeah...i'll be fine, i guess.
so how's everyone's day?! better than mine i hope....i guess so...my heart is just hurting b/c i won't see michael till tomorrow...but that's also an "if"...so i really don't know when i'll see him...i shouldn't expect so much from michael...I'M WEAK...i get it...I'M NOT STRONG! i have a kind heart that i can't replace. but it's ok if i don't see him...cuz i know i'm not strong...i won't say that to myself that "i'll be strong"...b/c it's all bullshit! i'm not strong...i'm weak...kind hearts and fragile feelings won't get me far...but that's how i was built, i can't change that fact. well i guess i should wipe my tears away....and get ready for work...
bye bye!
Listening to "girl i need you (by my side)" - Devotion
Currently addicted to michael
Currently irritated by the point that jocelle gets to see him but not me
Randomness: FUCK! SHIT! DAMNIT ALL!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
well i just found out that jocelle visited the school yesterday and today...oh well..all these people are seeing michael more than me...this sucks...but i guess i have to deal with it...and i won't get to see him today...what a bummer...damn...but it's ok...i can deal with it...even though i cried myself to sleep last night...come on now...i lost it to him...of course i'll be clingy...and hoping to see him everyday...i guess i'm asking too much...i'm so selfish...i'm sorry! i guess i'll just LET GOof this pain of not seeing him...i have a feeling he'll go to eughene's but not to my house...oh well...i guess i'll see what happens later tonight. well i have a thing at cuyamca college at 6pm...i wonder what i'll be doing..hmm...oh well...if i do take a tst...then i guess i'll be taking a test...hmm...today already sucks...this week sucked...besides monday and sunday. tuesday to today...sucks...i don't know if i'm being emo...maybe i am...and i'm just over reacting...well that's how i am...i over react 10 times worse than anyone...and i worry 10 times worse than anyone....but it's ok...that's how i was built...so yeah...i'll be fine, i guess.
so how's everyone's day?! better than mine i hope....i guess so...my heart is just hurting b/c i won't see michael till tomorrow...but that's also an "if"...so i really don't know when i'll see him...i shouldn't expect so much from michael...I'M WEAK...i get it...I'M NOT STRONG! i have a kind heart that i can't replace. but it's ok if i don't see him...cuz i know i'm not strong...i won't say that to myself that "i'll be strong"...b/c it's all bullshit! i'm not strong...i'm weak...kind hearts and fragile feelings won't get me far...but that's how i was built, i can't change that fact. well i guess i should wipe my tears away....and get ready for work...
bye bye!
12.01.2005
Loneliness
Feeling lonely
Listening to "Miss You" - M-flo loves Melody & Ryohei Yamamoto
Currently addicted to listening to slow jams
Currently irritated by not being with michael
Randomness: DAMNIT!
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well there's nothing really to do...besides comback and type about my day...i have no michael till saturday...*tear*...oh well...i guess i can wait till then. well i guess i'll be going now to work...i'll be back...haha...
well i've been back since 3 something this afternoon...i miss michael a lot though...i haven't seen him since monday....it's been 3 days...it's so cold here and lonely...when michael is with me i feel warm inside and happy and not alone...just not being with him hurts my heart...but i guess i have to deal with it...there's people who see him more than me...well i won't see him till satudary but if not then i guess soon after that...hmm...this has been a lonely week...missing someone so much that you just want to cry...that's how i'm feeling right now...i miss him so much....i didn't get to talk to him otday...damn belda getting his phone confiscated...BAKA! well i guess tomorrow will be another day being lonely and cold. i miss michael so much...i'm weak...i'm not strong...this pain of not seeing him is hurting so much. but i guess i always have to try something new...i'll be strong for michael...it'll be hard...well, that's basically my day...i didn't really do much today...just worked and all...that's about it! well i'mma go now and weep in my room...bye bye!
Listening to "Miss You" - M-flo loves Melody & Ryohei Yamamoto
Currently addicted to listening to slow jams
Currently irritated by not being with michael
Randomness: DAMNIT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
well there's nothing really to do...besides comback and type about my day...i have no michael till saturday...*tear*...oh well...i guess i can wait till then. well i guess i'll be going now to work...i'll be back...haha...
well i've been back since 3 something this afternoon...i miss michael a lot though...i haven't seen him since monday....it's been 3 days...it's so cold here and lonely...when michael is with me i feel warm inside and happy and not alone...just not being with him hurts my heart...but i guess i have to deal with it...there's people who see him more than me...well i won't see him till satudary but if not then i guess soon after that...hmm...this has been a lonely week...missing someone so much that you just want to cry...that's how i'm feeling right now...i miss him so much....i didn't get to talk to him otday...damn belda getting his phone confiscated...BAKA! well i guess tomorrow will be another day being lonely and cold. i miss michael so much...i'm weak...i'm not strong...this pain of not seeing him is hurting so much. but i guess i always have to try something new...i'll be strong for michael...it'll be hard...well, that's basically my day...i didn't really do much today...just worked and all...that's about it! well i'mma go now and weep in my room...bye bye!
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