YAY! :)

Feeling relieved and happy
Listening to "A Song For XX... " - Ayumi Hamasaki
Currently addicted to waiting for michael's emails...
Currently irritated by nothing
Randomness: *cough*
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well from the last time i posted in this was, i think Monday?! well monday didn't go well...but michael came over and good timing too...i was crying...interesting?! well michael asked me what was wrong and of course i told him...then all we did was sit, eat, and enjoy watching TV....and also helping michael with his class project...thatw as fun!

well yesterday was mommy's birthday...eh...i didnn't go to work or anything like that...and michael called me up but i talked to waffle though...oh well...a few hours pass...and i thought it was a false alarm or something...WOO HOO! i have my period!!! i'm so happy!!! woo hoo! :) besides all that...i didn't get to make an appt...b/c mommy came home whn i was making the phone call....grr...oh well...

today...today....there's nothing to do today...besides work but i don't work till 1pm...so yeah...i told michael to drop by after school and before he drops off eughene at cuyamaca college....so yeah! so i really don't know how today will go though....but i'll be back if i have any good news or anything like that...haha...well i'mma go now...i'm so happy! :) even though i'm cramping right now!...grr...oh well! :)

out of all things

Feeling worried and stressed out
Listening to "Angel's Song" - Ayumi Hamasaki
Currently addicted to worrying
Currently irritated by my stupidness
Randomness: AHHH!
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What i mean by "out of all things" is that i did something that i shouldn't have done but i can't change it now...well i don't know what people are thinking "if" they ever read this. i have lost my virginity....i know, huh....stupid me...but i'm happy that i lost it to the person i love with all of my heart...michael roy...we're trying hard to prevent myself from pregnancy...so yeah...no we didn't use protection...so we're planning on getting birth control pills...i hope it helps and get a pregnancy test thingy...i want this to blow over soon...i hope i'm not pregnant...but if i am then i guess i have to use the birth control pills...*sighs*...yes that night we became fools....but fools in love...haha...well i'm praying that GOD is watcing over us and helping us get through this...and i'm not ready to tell my parents about this yet...i need some time to get things through my head before i do anything reckless. i don't regret anything that we've done...i just hope that we face them together and he doesn't leave me...he's my first...and i want to stay it that way...and i want him to be last too...hmm...well i guess i'll go now...please god watch over us and banish the devil while me and michael are trying our best to make things right again...PLEASE I PRAY IN YOUR NAME! i love you god! please...AMEN! take care you all! :)

feeling down...

there are times that i feel that michael's love for me is fading..i don't know if he meant "i love you" to me...and he's upset with me...how am i suppose to feel about that...it's like he's always getting mad at me...and i don't know what to do...is our love fading?! maybe it's just me thinking too much...i just want him to call me, hold me, or something for me not to feel this way...maybe i should just be quiet and mind my own business...cuz it seems like my mouth is getting me in trouble a lot...i guess i do have to change without michael knowing...people say that i shouldn't change...WTF?! that's bullshit...they're just saying that to be nice...i know deep inside them...they want me change something about me...maybe i should...so no one would get mad at me anymore...i'm in this world alone....and there's no one to save me from myself...it just hurts...i'm in dark and i'm confused...who's going to save me?! most likely no one will...michael would...but he's too busy with his problems and getting mad at me...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?!!! HELP ME!! should i change?! ;)