ruki & reita made my day!

Feeling pumped up!!!
Listening to in the middle of chaos - theGazettE
Currently addicted to [this pic of ruki and reita]
Currently irritated by love
Randomness: Shinji
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ok...well haven't been hanging out with my friends for a while now. i guess everyone is busy nowadays, huh? well work became real interesting...new owner! :D and we don't like him...hehe :P i was watching theGazettE's DimScene live... omg i got turned on by that picture of ruki and reita! got addicted to "in the middle of chaos" lol...so happy! didn't know that the song was in english....all english! lol...so i can actually understand one of their songs, ne! lol...well my love life is complete crap...maybe i should just give up on guys and relationships altogether, huh?! hmmm....

new year! new life!

Feeling lonely
Listening to the gazette - ray
Currently addicted to gackt
Currently irritated by love
Randomness: sugoi na!
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2008 and 1/2 of 2009 were my downfalls. i got pregnant on sept. 2008...then i get fucked over by michael in nov 2008 (he leaves me for another girl) then in feb 2009 my parents found out i was pregnant. (michael still didn't do shit) in may 2009, arceya was born, michael still didn't really do shit for his daughter ecause of the butch he chose as his girlfriend. after all that in aug 2009, michael leaves for the navy which made my life more better. i started to like one of my friends, so its nice to finally move on a lil.

i hope that 2010 will be better than my last 2 yrs!

Depression

Feeling lonely, depressed, unwanted, and sad
Listening to the thoughts inside my head
Currently addicted to how to get michael back
Currently irritated by love
Randomness: *tears*
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Well as of November 8, 2008...me and michael are officially over. This came out of nowhere. I wanted to stay with him, but he didnt he fell out of love with me...heartbreaking right? i really dont know what to do cuz he didnt leave for a girl. and the things is..is that my dog happy died a week before...great, huh? November sucks this whole year sucks i hate it! nothing but lies and deceit...grr! I'm in love with michael and i cant love no one else...i gave up my virginity to him cuz we would marry in the future. LIES ALL LIES! i cant do anything right! let me go down the list of ex BFs and 1 crush:

Haley: That didnt work out cuz he flirted with other girls and moved to AZ
Jamie: same thing...after a kiss, he wanted to break it off...at least i know that's all he wanted
Kyoto: didnt work out cuz i didnt feel the connection anymore
Eiji: online BF...nothing serious cuz he flirt flirt too
Michael: the ONE that i feel in love with...no more after 3 yrs and 10 months and 7 days

Lex: never worked out. he wanted to be my friend then when i became his friend...ignored!

SEE! nothing can suvive when its in a relationship with me. i either ruin it or the guy things its a waste of his time. so if me and michael couldn't survive what would make me think another one can. LOVE HAS ALWAYS REJECTED ME! the ones that actually stay with me are my parents, but see that's so different they have to care! Ever since this month started i already have bad memories, what is GOD trying to do?! Does he want me to try to see if Michael is THE ONE? Is this some kind of test? It better ne a test b/c i WANT MICHAEL BACK!

GOD, i will get michael back but i'll do this test of yours to show you how strong our relationship is. I'll go on dates or whatever, but trust me i will not fall in love with them. MY BODY, MY HEART, AND MY SOUL belong to MICHAEL ROY REASOL! of course you too, but you're not in the flesh so to speak...so you dont count. i want to marry him, i want to bore his children. what do you want from me? I'll go to church...i'll do anything....just help me and michael become one again! Probably me and michael need to FIND ourselves again and when the time comes will be back together! If i'm getting my hopes up....tell me when i go to church. put it in the passages have the father say it in a homily...I'll probably wont listen to you to just give up...I'm not a quitter...but if michael does marry someone other than me then I'll focus all of my energy on my career. Now you see if this is a test of my willpower...you'll see me at church on sunday! this is my conversation to you GOD! please listen to me cuz right now you're the only who can. AMEN.