feeling down...

there are times that i feel that michael's love for me is fading..i don't know if he meant "i love you" to me...and he's upset with me...how am i suppose to feel about that...it's like he's always getting mad at me...and i don't know what to do...is our love fading?! maybe it's just me thinking too much...i just want him to call me, hold me, or something for me not to feel this way...maybe i should just be quiet and mind my own business...cuz it seems like my mouth is getting me in trouble a lot...i guess i do have to change without michael knowing...people say that i shouldn't change...WTF?! that's bullshit...they're just saying that to be nice...i know deep inside them...they want me change something about me...maybe i should...so no one would get mad at me anymore...i'm in this world alone....and there's no one to save me from myself...it just hurts...i'm in dark and i'm confused...who's going to save me?! most likely no one will...michael would...but he's too busy with his problems and getting mad at me...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?!!! HELP ME!! should i change?! ;)

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

I AM THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!!! *screams*...i promised michael and myself i won't hurt myself...but how can i not...i just made michael mad at me.....AGAIN! damn!

i'm such a BITCH!

damnit all! i'm like the worst girlfriend ever....michael tells me that i'm not...but to me, i am! what the hell is wrong with me?! why the hell do i get jealous?! shit!!! grr...lately i've been getting mad easily...why the hell is that?! or i end up doing something wrong that upsets michael...i can't do anything right...i try my best to not do anything to upset michael or myself...but it seems to me that trying my best doesn't do anything...i'm a bad girlfriend...maybe that fight i had with my friend in 8th grade...what she said is true...i'm not worht being someone's girlfriend...i end up making them mad, upset, and sad...i can't do anything right...i bring up the wrong subjects...grr...i'm hurting someone that i love....how can i do that?! well...michael's mad at me now...for snapping at him...i feel so bad that i did that...i wasn't meant to...but i did..i'm admiting that i am a BITCH!!! i'm such a jerk...i push the onei love away from me....WHY THE HELL DO I DO THAT?! *screams* on the phone he wanted to leave...and he wouldn't tell me why...so i didn't want to force him to stay...so i let it go...and he hung up on me...and i thought he would say, "i love you." but i guess not...so i don't know if he's coming over today...i doubt now...cuz of the situation we were in....well he's at school right now...so yeah! and i'm at home...being a BITCH on the computer...well i guess i should go and take a shower and wash myself away for a moment....and return to myself...that's not worth to be here....if i hurt the ones i love! well bye!*tears*